Dear Senor Douche bag:

(disclaimer: I know ‘Senor’ has one of these ~ over the n. I don’t feel like making it happen.)

I am in the computer lab trying to work. Now, that is never going to happen if assholes like you keep telling me to put my diet coke, my mother ship, my one true love in life, in my bag. I need the caffeine. I don’t care that I’m not supposed to drink it because I’m sick. It’s the only thing keeping me from crashing on the keyboard.

Now, computer asshole, if you want to not drink your coffee next to the machines, you’d be forgiven. But until then, stop yelling at me for my drink which is tightly closed and sitting nowhere near the keyboard. I hate you.

Furthermore, I don’t see the problem with the drinking of the soda. Is that your job? Patrolling the consumption of soda in computer labs? If so, get a freaking life! Go outside, get some sunshine on that pale, pasty forehead of yours!

Needless to say, I’m irrationally angry.

Computer douchebag, please rot in hell. Oh yeah, you’re awkward and ugly and balding.

Many thanks,

Maria

maybe i’m overreacting. but i doubt it. i’m seriously thirsty.